A Sober New Year
As we moved into 2024, the resolution to make was clear. I needed to quit drinking for my physical well being as well as my mental health. I poured out the rest of the box of white wine and I haven’t looked back. As I write this, I enter my fifth month sober, something I haven’t been able to say for nearly a decade. I can tell you it has been the best decision I have made in a long time. It hasn’t always been easy but, as each day passed, the rewards pile up. My skin feels healthier. I sleep better. Money has been saved. And the nagging discomfort of hangovers, heartburn, and excessive anxiety that come with drinking alcohol on a daily basis are nearly gone.
It’s not that bad…
That was the story I told myself too many times – it’s not that bad. I am not an alcoholic. Everyone drinks. It didn’t matter that the minute the clock turned to noon the craving hit or that my kids knew they couldn’t count on me to drive them anywhere come evening time. I only drank at home. If I drank, I never drove. I never showed up to work drunk (hungover, yes but never drunk). It wasn’t seriously affecting my health or my relationship so I was okay, right?
It wasn’t until I quit that I could see just how not okay I was. After I quit, I finally felt how I was supposed to feel and it was like night and day.
My First 50 Days Sober…Riding the Pink Cloud
I have never felt as good as I did during my first 50 days sober. I had sparkle and boundless energy. A new outlook at life that was lighting a fire inside of me. I was reading sober blogs and listening to sober podcasts. I felt like part of a community. This is called the pink cloud.
It is phenomenon that happens to many newly sober people. My early success had me feeling incredibly confident. How could this be so easy? Why hadn’t I done it sooner? Some say the dopamine boost that comes from the success of early recovery is similar to the high from using drugs or alcohol. Now, I don’t know any of the science behind it but this cloud was definitely a good ride for me.
Unfortunately, the positive feelings do not last forever.
Sober Days 51 to 100…
Yikes, the second half of my 100 days was rough. In reality, I wasn’t really counting the days like this. I don’t know exactly when the rose colored glasses came off but it felt pretty close to day 50. My energy dropped big time. I got depressed and my husband and I started fighting a lot. I let the dishes pile up and the housework go undone and I didn’t care. Procrastination became my middle name. I stopped doing what had previously gave me confidence, like learning about other people’s success stories. If I was to describe it as a color, I would definitely say I was in my gray cloud phase.
I was committed to making it to day 100 no matter what. Let me tell you, there were many days I thought about drinking again. It even invaded my dreams. But for me, it is the fact that when I was having a bad day and my thought was to “just have one” that convinced me I needed to do more work and stay sober to do it.
You grow through what you go through.
Unknown
Still Sober Today
Today, my energy is beginning to return. The gray cloud is lifting and the skies are clearing. I am ready to do the work that will help me get past those days of “will I or won’t I” but I don’t have the same “it’s so easy” mentality of the early days. I have settled into a middle ground. Now I have the experience to know things will get rough but I made it through before and I can do it again.
My Top Five Stay Sober Tips
Progress not perfection
I was able to quit drinking cold turkey (but please speak to your doctor about whether it is safe for you to do so if you are considering getting sober). So, for me, that didn’t mean cutting back slowly. What it did mean was not trying to eat healthy at the same time. If I craved chocolate, ice cream or potato chips I allowed myself to eat them – at least it wasn’t wine. This is where I faltered in the past. Whenever I cut back before, it was always in the name of losing weight, so I changed everything about my diet including the alcohol. You would think after maybe the fifth failed crash diet I would have learned I need to make one change at a time for anything to stick.
Also, my main priority was getting sober, so if I didn’t want to do the dishes or fold the laundry and just binge watch Netflix on a Thursday afternoon eating crackers straight from the box, that is what I was going to do. And I had to allow myself to be okay with that and get rid of the guilt.
Find a sober community
It doesn’t matter where you find the community – do what works for you. What worked for me was searching for podcasts that resonated with my story and listening to them as much as possible. I put on my Spotify podcast playlist when I was driving, doing the dishes, or just scrolling Pinterest. For you, that might mean finding a local group you can join or getting sober with a friend. Just don’t go it alone.
I also was not shy about telling the people closest to my what I was doing. I asked my husband not to buy my drinks of choice (wine or vodka coolers) when he went to the store. At the start, it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would when he would drink beer in front of me but when it did start to bother me I was honest with him and asked for support. My parents were amongst my biggest supporters. They encouraged me to keep going and listened to my pink-cloud-induced excitement as well as my depressed rants. And then, when I hit my milestones, I posted them on Facebook. It wasn’t to brag or anything but it was my goal to let more people into my inner circle so that there was even more accountability out there when I needed it.
Find a new sober drink of choice
It is called “the witching hour”. That time when I would normally uncork the bottle of wine every day. My witching hour was just after dinner was finished when I would retire to the sofa to watch TV. That is when my mind and body craved my usual drink.
I discovered, however, it did not actually matter what was in the glass. It was more the action, the habit, of sitting with a glass in hand and drinking something. So, to get me past this witching hour, I bought some new pretty stemmed water glasses and kombucha to put in them. The kombucha had a bit of a fizz and was not sweet in the same way that juice is so it provided me with a somewhat passible alternative to wine.
The market for non-alcoholic alternatives to your favorite libations is increasing so experiment with replacing your old drink of choice with a new fav. (Try one of these mocktails from Pinterest.)
Journal, journal, journal
I wrote all my thoughts and feelings out. In fact, I drained multiple pens during my first 100 days and filled an entire notebook. It is amazing how the words just flow once you start writing. Many times I would open my journal not knowing how to start but soon I would be 4 pages into a rant about something. Journaling really helped me clear my head and get honest with the why I was drinking in the first place.
I also used my journal to set goals for myself and as a place to do some doodling to keep my idle hands busy during the early days. If you haven’t journaled before or if it has been awhile, I urge you to start – even if you are not trying to get sober. Every single person on the planet can benefit from some sort of journaling. Find what works for you and give it a try. Head on over to my Pinterest board for some ideas.
Try a new hobby or rekindle an old one
It is truly amazing how much time drinking regularly steals from you. Not only were my evenings stuck on the sofa with a glass in hand, but my days were lazy and slow – and not in the good way. I had no desire to do anything except what I absolutely had to do. I didn’t even really want to do anything besides drink and watch TV.
With my new found energy, I was eager to return to painting. It had been years since I picked up a paint brush and painted something just for the fun of it. So I bought myself a new set of watercolors and got to it. I also finally read the books that were sitting on my nightstand waiting for me be able to focus again. Read my review of John Clear’s Atomic Habits, a real game changer.
For you, that new hobby might be an evening walk in the neighborhood, learning to crochet, or baking some of those goodies you have been saving on your Pinterest board. Try something new. Looking for some ideas, follow me on Pinterest where I have boards dedicated to slow hobbies such as gardening and DIY projects.
I hope you can find some inspiration from my story and want to give some of my tips a try. Leave a comment with what is working for you? And remember you got this!
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