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Thanks to the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron, I uncovered my identity. After going through my entire life feeling as if I had to change who I was to fit in, I discovered I didn’t have to. It was okay to see the world a bit different than most. Craving solitude over following the crowd was not weird. And, while it is really easy for me to get lost in my own world, that was why I was creative and a dreamer. I am a Highly Sensitive Person.
What is a Highly Sensitive Person?
A highly sensitive person, or an HSP for short, has an increased sensitivity to physical, emotional, and/or social stimuli. Overall an HSP just reaches their threshold for stimulation sooner than the average person.
While all people are sensitive about certain things, an HSP tends to feel things more than average. Often considered as being “too sensitive,” psychologist Elaine Aron describes it is a personality trait with both strengths and challenges in her book “The Highly Sensitive Person”.
While you cannot be diagnosed as being an HSP, understanding that your empathy and other sensitivities are just turned up a bit more than others can lead you to better ways of coping when it poses challenges in your day to day life.
If you are wondering if you are a Highly Sensitive Person, I go into more detail here.
10 Things An HSP Needs To Be Happy
It is estimated that 20% of the population is highly sensitive. That means that society is built around the other 80% of less sensitive individuals. That explains why so much of “the norm” such as action movies, intense music, and crowded spaces bother us and not our friends and family.
Because of this, highly sensitive people would benefit from finding coping strategies to better recognize and cope with the stresses of simply existing in our society. Here are some things an HSP needs to be happy:
A Happy Place
HSP’s need time alone. We need quiet. We might even need a way to escape the bright lights. That is why it is important for us to have a space in our home and maybe even at the office that we can retreat to when things get hectic. A cozy space, away from the busyness of life, that we can take a moment to recharge ourselves.
Time In Nature
As HSP’s our environment has a profound affect on us. We are particularly drawn to the beauty of the natural world and it can be a soothing place for us to recharge. Taking time in nature, whether it is your back yard or a local park or beach, can do wonders to make an HSP happy.
Understanding
Because most people are not highly sensitive, many don’t understand what it is like for us. But we need at least a few people in our life who are willing to truly try to understand our sensitivity. Ideally these people will not only gets it, but do what they can to protect us from overstimulation. They can do this by understanding why we might need to leave an event early or by choosing to watch a tamer movie to keep you comfortable.
Extra Self Care
HSP’s need extra time to care for themselves after a long day. This might mean taking an afternoon nap after a stressful morning, or watching a nice movie in the evening rather than completing their to do list. We need to prioritize self care. Many might think of self care as less important than say, completing your to do list, but for us highly sensitive people, it is a definite NEED.
Quiet Hobbies and/or a Creative Outlet
We need to take part in quiet hobbies and hobbies that allow us to nurture our natural creativity. This can come in the form of reading and writing, or painting and crafting. Find a hobby that makes you happy and make time for it regularly.
Time
We might need more time to do things than others. Because we have to focus on taking breaks when we are overstimulated it might take us longer to complete a project than others. Also, we might need more time to process a situation or a change. Because we tend to be “over-thinkers” we like to go over all the options before making a decision.
Permission to Get Emotional
HSP’s need to be allowed to get their emotions out from time to time. This means we need to give ourselves permission to connect with how we feel. This might mean we need to vent to an understanding loved one or to go to our room to have a good cry. We need to forget the idea that emotions mean weakness and release the pressure before it builds up too much. Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.
Close Relationships
Because we don’t do well with small talk, we need close relationships where we can feel free to be ourselves and have meaningful conversations. We much prefer to have a few close friends and nurture those relationships than a whole bunch of acquaintances.
Sleep
Along the same lines as extra self care, we need to pay attention to our sleep requirements as well. Most people do not handle stress well when they have not been getting adequate sleep and for an HSP that is doubly true. It should be non-negotiable to prioritize getting quality sleep over just about anything else. Put the TV remote down and go to bed.
A Sense of Purpose
We HSP’s need to feel, well, needed. HSP’s can be found in careers that make a difference such as teaching and social work. Even in day to day life, we want to know there is some sort of point to it all. From parenthood to caring for a garden or volunteering, we are happy when we feel as if we are making a difference in the world.
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