It is time for me to prioritize self care. No more waiting for the to-do list to be finished (it never is). No more guilt. Just me taking care of me.
During the past 16 years, as a wife and mother, I fell into the bad habit of neglecting myself. I put so much care into making sure everyone was well fed, clean, and happy that, by the end of my day, I had little energy for myself. To make matters worse, my always-dependable-mom-ness, ended up creating a culture in our house of “don’t worry Mom will do it.” I felt unappreciated for all the work I was doing. If I didn’t do it, it didn’t get done. And when I did ask for help, I was met with “that’s not my job.”
It is no wonder I fell into a pit of depression and exhaustion. My to do list came to a screeching halt. Dinners became frozen chicken nuggets or mac and cheese from the box. Dishes went undone for days. The floor that once sparkled, now speckled with spills that no one felt responsible to clean up. I was done. I felt as if I failed.
In an effort to improve my mental health and regain some sense of self, I decided to put myself first for a change and show myself some love. It is a concept I continually have to remind myself not to feel guilt about. Self care is not the same as being selfish and after always putting others first and rarely getting the same in return I needed to turn some of that caretaking onto myself before it was too late.
How I Prioritize Self Care
When it was time to start looking after myself, I looked deep inside to find what was keeping me from peace. I discovered a few things. I needed time to myself and I needed to correct my negative self talk. Here is how I decided to start taking care of myself.
Journal Time
Every morning, I wake up before everyone else and take some time to write in my journal. You can read more about my journal routine here. By starting my day with a mindset of putting myself first, I set the tone for my day. Journaling gives me the confidence to stand up for myself and the clarity to see how I can make my own mindset shifts. This time also allows me to spoil myself. It is all about me. No one else. No chores. If I want to spend this time out on the porch watching the sunrise, then that is what I am going to do. If I want to have an hour long bubble bath, then hell yes, I am giving myself permission to start my day like that.
Morning Snuggles with Daisy
Daisy is our pet rabbit. Every morning, after she has been fed, I sit with her for some morning snuggles. No rushing to get chores done. Just appreciating her company. I hadn’t had a pet since I was a kid and had forgotten just how nice it is to have a bond with an animal. She has taught me to slow down and I think we both have a calming effect on each other. I never realized just how much having a pet could improve mental health until we got Daisy.
Not Folding the Laundry and Other Stuff That Shouldn’t Matter
This isn’t to say I never fold the laundry but I refuse to feel ashamed for it not getting done in a timely manner. I am training myself to stop being judgmental of myself for having to dig through clean laundry baskets to find matching socks (or for wearing mismatched socks when I can’t). It might seem silly to some but as someone who has created an identity based on what she gets done in a day, to not have things done is a form of self care. This also applies to other things that really don’t matter, like how shiny my floor is, or whether my files are nicely organized. It all gets done eventually I just am letting go of judging myself for choosing life over chores sometimes.
Stop Doubting my Parenting
I am going to say it “I am a great Mom.” That’s it. End of story.
With my new mindset, I decided to stop worrying about whether I was making the “right” choice when it came to parenting. I decided it was time to focus on what each of my kids needed at the moment to feel loved. It was really as simple as that. Sometimes that meant letting them skip school. Other times that meant choosing to listen rather than punish. But it always meant showing up for them and I could feel good about that. This made it to my self care list because I lifted an enormous about of pressure off myself when I decided to parent for my kids rather than for anyone else. I also released any shame I have about mistakes I made in the past. I can’t change the past but I can change how I move forward.
Saying Yes to Myself
I have the tendency to tell myself “no” a lot. No, I shouldn’t buy that shirt. No, I shouldn’t eat that treat. Or no, it’s not time to rest. So, in effort to show myself the same kind of love I show everyone else, I am telling myself yes. Not yes to everything, (I am not made of time or money), but yes to things I deserve. Yes to mid-day breaks. Yes to that yellow shirt. And yes, to that piece of chocolate.
Give yourself the same care and attention that you give to others and watch yourself bloom.
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How Will You Prioritize Self Care?
Have you been showing yourself the kind of care you deserve? How do you show yourself love? What is on your self care list?
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