True self care is not bath salts and chocolate cake, it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.
Brianna West
Working to Live not Living to Work
I have always tried to live by this sentiment. My Dad once told me the purpose of life was to “work to live not live to work”. So often, in today’s society we get caught on the hamster wheel of work, sleep, work. And we forget to build the life we want in between. Yes, we have to work to afford the life we want. But, sometimes, our want list just keeps growing and we have to work more and more to get it. There is something to be said about working with what we have and not striving for more and more to achieve that “dream life”.
Different Season, Different Dream Life
That is what I have tried to do. We have made a lot of sacrifices to build the life we don’t have to escape from. When my kids were babies and I made the initial decision to stay at home to raise them, we sacrificed a lot of “luxuries” to afford it. We rented out half of our house to tenants. We chose to live in the basement of our own house. That way we could have our mortgage paid by someone else. Internet and cable were bills we chose not to have. While the kids were babies, we opted to borrow DVD’s from the public library for entertainment. (Even just 15 years ago, we managed to live without internet which today seems impossible.)
When our life changed and we began to value experiences more over stuff, we rented out our entire house and lived a more nomadic lifestyle by living in our RV. This enabled my husband to cut down his commute when working during the summer. And it “forced” us to travel during the winter. By sacrificing some security of having a brick and mortar home, we gained a lot of time together as a family and experiences we would never have had otherwise. It was a lot of work and was not without its challenges. But, it was the kind of life most people dream of.
Rolling with the Punches
In 2020, when the pandemic hit, our lack of security became obvious. We said goodbye to our “dream life”. We rolled with the punches and created a new plan. Our years of traveling gave us insights into how well our family can handle change. We opted to sell the house we owned and move across the province to start a new dream life. Today, I write this post in a house we built together as a family. The build has been a lot of work and has taken much longer than we hoped but we are finally settling into a new life. A life surrounded by nature and a caring community of close knit neighbors. In a home that aligns with our values of being a gathering place for loved ones while lowering our impact on the environment.
It has been hard work and we are just starting to reap the the benefits of working so hard. It hasn’t been without sacrifice. And it has been easy to forget why we have been working so hard at times. I have learned it is incredibly important while building a future to take time to appreciate the life you currently have. There have been some low points in our journey. Times we almost gave up. But once I began to appreciate what we had while working for what we dreamed of things did not seem so bad.
Self Care Amid Chaos
In the meantime, while we wait for our “dream life” to begin, I have learned to incorporate small “self care benefits” into our life.
A Bedroom Space to Escape To
We have been living in a construction zone for nearly a year. Our life has been a constant battle of drywall dust, incomplete projects, and more ideas than time to put them into action. But I made sure each of us has a space we can escape to that was just theirs and complete. Before we moved in I made sure the kids bedrooms were complete. This way their sacrifices were kept to a minimum. When it came time to completing our Master bedroom, I created a space that was calming and beautiful. Whenever I began to doubt our ability to finish our home, my bedroom reminded me of what we could do and how beautiful it all would be in the end.
Making Time for Travel
Just because we were working hard to build a house rather than living in an RV, didn’t mean we did not value travel any less. That is why it was important for us to still make time (and budget for) travel. Our trips were short and sweet but whenever we felt particularly disheartened by the seemingly never ending list of house projects, we knew it was time to take a break and go somewhere.
Appreciating the Small Wins
And then, there are the small wins that we celebrate as we work toward the big picture. These could be something as simple as my husband getting relocated at his job to have a shorter commute for a few weeks, to finally completing the TV built in unit project we started before Christmas but put off completing until July. Some days are easier than others to appreciate these small wins rather than focusing on the long list still ahead of us but I do notice a difference when I change my mindset.
Creating a Dream Life You Don’t Have To Escape From
So how do you create a life you don’t have to escape from? Create a routine of caring for yourself while you work towards your dream life. Make sure you are a priority on your to do list and don’t forget the living part of life. Keep your values in mind and ask yourself continuously “does this help me build the life I want?” And appreciate the small steps toward your bigger goals.
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