Routine: A Love-Hate Relationship
I am particularly fond of structuring my day and following a routine. I have a tendency to plan excessively. And things that don’t fit into my plan, forget about it. They either stress me out or lead me to tossing my entire routine in the trash. I sit there unsure of what to do with myself and unable to adjust my day around the unexpected.
And then, there is the hyper-focus I experience when I get excited about something. My life becomes totally consumed and I forget about my routine. It might be something really fun like planning a Disney World trip or it might be something less exciting like Spring cleaning but either way I forget about taking breaks, taking time to eat, or getting adequate sleep.
That is why adopting a slow living lifestyle will take some effort on my part. I will have to consider time for slow when building a routine. How do I slow down? Am I supposed to just fly by the seat of my pants? Go where the wind takes me? I can tell you right now, without being intentional about my routine, the wind is going to take me straight to the sofa watching British dramas all day while eating any kind of chip or cookie I can find. Until of course, something shiny comes around and steals 100% of my focus once again.
So when I came across the 8 + 8 + 8 Rule I was intrigued. I knew it was the key to structuring my slow living day and building a routine.
What is the 8 + 8 + 8 Rule?
The basis for the rule is very simple.
- 8 hours for work
- 8 hours for sleep
- 8 hours divided between the 3 F’s (family, friends, faith), 3 H’s (health, hygiene, hobby), 3 S’s (soul, service, smile). I made my own adjustments to these categories that I will cover below.
Work for 8 Hours
As someone who works from home, it is especially important I put limits on my time working. I don’t want to get caught in the oh-so-familiar burn out phase that I am trying to escape from. For those who work outside of the home this might be easier to leave the work behind after your shift but I am sure there are some who might not be physically working on your job but can’t turn your mind off enough to enjoy the other parts of you life. Work is work. Work is not life. This has been forgotten along the way and we are now realizing there has to be a clear boundary when structuring our day. This rule helps.
Sleep 8 Hours
We have heard it all before. We need to create a healthy sleep routine and that means 8 hours of sleep every single day. As well as, scheduled bed times and wake times.
Now, don’t hate me. I fall into the sleep too much category most of the time. Especially when I was still drinking alcohol regularly, it would not be unlike me to go to bed and 9 and wake up at 9 the next morning. Now that I am sober, I do find myself naturally wanting to wake earlier and I want to make it a habit.
But for many of you, my hubby included, you will fall into the sleep too little category. In his case, during the work week he gets about 6 hours and then he catches up on weekends. However, the research says, that is not the healthiest way to structure your sleep.
Science says, find the number of hours and sleep schedule that makes you feel your best (most adults should aim for 7 or 8 but your number might be less) and stick to it. Every single day. Read more about finding what works for you here.
8 Hours for Everything Else
After you have allotted time for sleep and work you have 8 hours to live your life.
Basically, the rule states everything else in life falls into three categories:
F’s- Family, Friends, Faith
H’s- Health, Hygiene, Hobby
S’s- Soul, Service, Smile
If you ask me, there is a lot of overlap. Faith and soul can easily go together. Hobbies often come in the form of socializing with groups (aka friends). And as for Smile, shouldn’t the aim be making sure we are happy with all the parts of life. This structure does not make sense to me. I much prefer to structure it this way.
F’s – Family, Friends and Fellow Beings – This includes quality time with the people and pets we care about. I also include service of others here because we often serve those close to us and if we are in service to others we should hold them in our hearts the same way as well.
H’s – Home, Health, Hygiene – Think cleaning the house, cooking healthy meals, and your personal hygiene and fitness. The daily to do list.
S’s – Soul, Self, Spirituality – This for everything that makes you YOU. Hobbies, faith, spirituality, self care, self improvement etc.
Structuring my Routine around the Rule of 8’s
Now that we know what we should be aiming for we can use time blocking to create structure.
Disclaimer: I am going to tell you right now. I have really struggled with the should’s of life. My perfectionism loves following rules. My life and the rest of my personality on the other hand, not so much. So if there is anything you take from this post, it is to make the rules your own. Don’t get hyper-fixated on how much time you devote to what in your routine. The goal is making sure you have time during the day you can spend on the whole you. Not just your family, not just your job, not just your physical health. But the real you after all that.
My Sleep Routine
By setting a regular sleep and wake schedule I can make sure I get quality sleep each night without overindulging.
Because I set my own schedule I rely on my family’s work and school routine to plan my day around. My husband currently gets up for work at 5 am. I used to go back to sleep for a few hours after he got up but I think this was part of the problem. Falling back into a deep sleep after he left caused me to sleep longer than necessary. So, 5 am wake up call it is.
Now I count back 8 hours and that is my bedtime – 9 p.m. I wish I could say this was too early but I am often on the sofa forcing myself to stay wake for just one more episode once 9 o’clock hits. So, I do the healthy thing and tell myself the Netflix binge will just have to wait for tomorrow. Now that my kids are teenagers, they go to sleep later than us as it is, so pushing our bedtime up an hour is not really going to affect them any.
Sleep block set 9pm-5am = 8 hours.
Again, this is just a guideline. Find what works for you. Learn to start listening to your body and it’s natural rhythms. Just choose a time and be consistent for a few weeks (including the weekends) and take note of how you feel.
My For the Soul Routine
I do love the early morning when the house is quiet. Most chores were done the night before and I can enjoy the peace of a clean house by myself before life takes over again. This is prime time for some me time before the kids wake up at 7 am to get ready for school.
I have almost 2 hours I get to spend on what makes me happy. I journal, have my morning coffee, and take a few moments out on the porch with a book as the rest of the world begins to wake. It is also the perfect time for a nice bubble bath before the competition for bathroom time begins. Read about creating a Self Care Morning Basket.
Next summer, when our long awaited garden begins to take shape, I hope to steal some morning moments tending to it as well.
Family Time
It is difficult to constrain family time to a time block or routine (nor should I). But, from the time the kids get up for school until they are at school two hours later, I devote this time to them.
It is too easy to get sucked into focusing on something else and before you know it we are rushing for the bus. By devoting this time to them (and our pet bunny), I am not distracted and I can keep them focused on the time, as well.
During this time, I wake the kids, feed the bunny and change her litter box, make the kids lunches and wait for the bus with them (and drive them to school in the case of my oldest who hates taking the bus). So if you were going to put a number on it: that is 2 hours of family time. But what is more important here is the mindset. I am being present for what those 2 hours might bring. My house is calm and the kids can rely on Mom to help if they fall behind.
Work Routine
Kids are off now my second work role begins. My work day starts at 9 am.
During my non work hours, if I come up with an idea that I would like to take further, I make a note of it and return to it during office hours. This gets me off the phone and undistracted during the time I am supposed to be spending on the other important parts of my life. It also frees up my brain space. Often times I get distracted by thinking about something and reminding myself of it over and over so I don’t forget. Write it down. That’s the system that works for me (even in the middle of the night).
My work day looks like this:
9-11 Writing: I start with what needs to be finished first. This allows me to end my day without pressing matters that need to be attended to. This post for example. I am here, writing it a 9 am on a Monday because I want to schedule it to post tomorrow. It’s best to get that out of the way first.
11-12 Break for lunch. I need to be purposeful with my lunch break. I often run on just snacking here and there and that leads to either over-eating or under-eating and really having no ability to track anything. None of which is healthy for me. I don’t need the whole hour to eat so I try to be tend some non-work things during this time as well.
12-2 Creative Time: This is creative time as it pertains to work. This might be digital graphics or art intended for sale, etc. It also might include creating content for the blog.
2-3 Break (usually to pick up my oldest daughter from school).
Mindful Side Note:
Some might this as see as an inconvenience to have their work day interrupted just so their child doesn’t have to take the bus. But, a simple mindset shift has allowed me to use this time to slow down. It takes me a little over 30 minutes to pick her up and bring her home. She is happy and I am into the habit of using this time to listen to podcasts, audio books, and music I really enjoy in the car during the drive time that I am alone. Plus, once I have picked her up, some of our best conversations have happened in the car. And, if she is with friends, it is usually the only time I get to meet them. It’s all about how you look at it.
3 – 4:30 Ending my work day: At this point, it is all about tying up some loose ends before my youngest gets off the bus. I finish what needs finishing that day and the rest waits until tomorrow.
Avoiding the Should
That is how I currently structure my work day. With summer break just around the corner I can see starting my work day at 7 and ending earlier in order to spend time with the girls in the afternoon. My goal is to make regular dates with them this summer since so much was missed last summer while building our house.
If you did the math you will see I have “worked” only 5.5 hours with plenty of me-time/family time mixed in to my day. This is by design. As someone who has a tendency to burn out, I want to make sure I am able to keep up with The Thoughtful Thicket long term. I only allow myself to work on one or two things per day. And, as any other Mom or Dad out there can attest to, technically work keeps going long after the paid job is done.
What to Call this Block?
That brings me to the most undefined block of my day. This is my most hectic time.
My kids are home from school telling me about their day and looking for snacks. Dinner gets made and the house is tidied up. Then my husband comes home and I hear all about his day. Then it’s dinner, dishes, and TV or games. We might be lucky enough to throw in an evening walk. Or we might be asked to drive the kids somewhere or pick up the thing at the store they forgot they needed for tomorrow. Everything about the day to day operation of our family ends up here in the hours between 4:30 and 9 pm. There is no structure. The only thing I can know for sure is there is very little time for me time. That makes the decision to wake up early all that more important.
And, that’s okay with me. Because, you know what, before I made the choice to take time for me, my entire day looked like that. Going from one task to the next without thinking about what I needed. And, when I did have downtime, I was on my phone scrolling and looking at images of everything I wanted for myself and family but not knowing how to get there with what little energy I had. I had no real goals because I felt like I was in survival mode. Because I had forgotten to take time to focus on my soul. I was essentially the Tin-man with nothing to set my heart beating again.
This Year and Beyond
I think that is why this year has been different. I decided my to-do list and checking off boxes no longer defined me. While I still thrive on routine, my routine is no longer based on how productive I can be. It is realistic and balanced. It is based on my self care and mental health taking priority. Sure, my house might not be clean from top to bottom and I might not become a six figure anything but I am finally starting to realize I can be happy with less. Happy with enough.
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